


Pieces of the People We Love

by Padme Plumes (PhilipJFry)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: BD-1 Is The Best (Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order), BD-1 gives the best snuggles, Cal Kestis Needs a Hug, Comfort, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Meditation, Planet Kashyyyk (Star Wars), Soft Cal Kestis, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:33:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28410213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilipJFry/pseuds/Padme%20Plumes
Summary: Cal realizes that he's not as alone as he thinks. Through guidance and meditation, he finds comfort in the ones he loved.
Relationships: BD-1 & Cal Kestis, Cal Kestis & Jaro Tapal
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	Pieces of the People We Love

**Author's Note:**

> I binged Fallen Order in three days and now I love Cal Kestis more than life itself. I intend to lay down my life for him.
> 
> I hope this is an enjoyable read, it was a very fun thing to write. I found myself getting emotional at the part where he's climbing up to the Origin Tree. I found it to be kind of humbling in a way? It was just a fun experience and it left me teary eyed. I also got really emotional writing this as well, but I knew I had to share it. All around, it's been an emotional turbulent couple of days, lol.

The trek to the Origin Tree was fraught with obstacles and frustrations. Every step forward had nearly set him five steps back. But he persevered through it all.

"Bwooooo...."

"I know, Beedee-one. I see the vine right there..."

"Bwee!!"

"Yes Beedee-one, I'll be careful."

Standing on an old tree husk that was far older than he was, Cal Kestis looked at the sight before him. The wroshyr tree was so big, and he... He did not even come to scale. Reaching out his hand, the familiar tingle of energy went through his palm as the vine came to him. From the moment he touched it, he felt overwhelmed. There was so much life and energy surrounding the wroshyr tree, it penetrated everything near it. Cal could feel it as he began to climb the vine.

Life. Energy. Guidance.

He stared ahead, looking upon the giant tree as the sun settled high above. The illumination warmed his freckled cheeks. Unconsciously, he pawed at his face as his vision grew blurry. He was crying.

"Be-beep?" BD-1 chirped softly, nudging against his shoulder as he paused his ascent.

"Y-Yeah, I'm good... I just..." Cal looked upon the tree again, feeling as if he had a tight embrace around him. "I just feel so much from this tree... I think I understand why the Wookiees look for guidance here."

Rubbing his face against his sleeve, Cal started to climb again.

"Boop beeoooowww?"

"Well it's... it's like getting overcharged, almost. You just feel it like electricity in your circuits giving you extra juice. That's what I feel. I feel like I have so much extra juice in me now and it's making my circuits overload a little."

"Boop!"

"No, I'm not gonna shut down, I promise."

Glancing down, Cal realized how high up in the air he was. It was a very, very, very long drop down. Under any other circumstance, he might have been a little nervous. But here? Now? He didn't think there was even a remote possibility of falling.

"Sometimes... When we see stuff like this, I always catch myself thinking.. I wish my master was here to see this. And then I remember something else.."

"Bwoo?"

"I remember that he's always with me... That I'm never alone even if it seems like it sometimes."

"Bwee!!"

"Of course I don't think I'm alone with you around, Beedee-one! You're my buddy! It's just that before this... All I had was myself. And then my friend, Prauf..."

Cal felt himself tearing up again. He hadn't truly had a proper moment to mourn his losses and frustrations in... Far too long.

"I think he's with me, too."

"Beep..."

"I think that... Everyone we've lost is with us. Their bodies may be gone but their spirit... Their _energy_.. It comes back into the Force. I like to think even Master Cordova is with me, even though he never knew me when he was alive... Like he's helping guide me on this path. And in a way, he is. It's with you."

BD-1 made a soft whirring noise before nudging into Cal's shoulder. Cal smiled, pausing his climb to reach back and pat BD-1 on his head.

"I know he may not have seen that it would be me specifically coming to help... But I'm glad it is. I like being with you, Beedee-one. You're a great pal."

The droid chirped happily, seeming to nuzzle against his hand.

"Let's get to the tree and take a rest... I wanna show you something when we get there."

The rest of his climb went in relative silence, Cal just making his way up as BD-1 looked excitedly at everything around them. From the treetops, Kashyyyk seemed untouched. Like the Empire was never there. Like the damage hadn't happened. Though he knew it was there, Cal found it deeply comforting that there was still so much left untainted.

Hauling himself up on to another tree, he balanced carefully as he walked along the wooden body to the Origin Tree. Settling down on the widest part of the branch they were on, Cal took a deep breath.

"Let's just sit for a minute or two... It's... Nice here."

Sitting down with his back pressed against the body of the tree, Cal took another deep breath. His lightsaber rustled at his side as BD-1 hopped off his shoulder to take a few steps around.

"C'mere, I wanna show you something."

BD-1 scrambled to his lap, standing on his knee and chirping intuitively. Cal unhooked his lightsaber from his belt and held it with both hands.

"This was my master's lightsaber... It was damaged when he gave it to me. You remember, before our first trip to Dathomir, this end was all broken and wouldn't light up. And then I managed to fix it."

BD-1 let out a noise that almost sounded like a yes. Cal smiled.

"Well... See here, the ends? These are the emitters. I still use my master's on this end. I think... I always will. It's like I always have him with me, to teach me and guide me. It's like he never left me."

BD-1 beeped quietly, looking closely at the emitter before nodding.

"Master Tapal was also the one that found me and brought me to the Jedi... Where I lived, it was... They were not nice people. I was four years old when he brought me to the Order. I still remember it so clearly, because it was the best day of my life. I remember feeling so... Safe and happy with him. I'll never forget what he said... _Take my hand, child.. Your life is now yours._ "

BD-1 settled in Cal's lap as if he were a pet looking for a place to nap. Cal set one hand on top of the droid's head, treating him just the same.

"My family... Well.. More like, my _birth givers_... They didn't like me once they found out I could use the Force. They made me go hungry and cold. They hurt me. Master Tapal came to me and wrapped me up in his robe and took me away from them. He became my family. For the first time, I felt... _Loved._ Like I had someone to look out for me. He held my hand the whole way back to the Temple because I was so scared. I was happy, but terrified. I didn't really know what was going on except that I was leaving and never coming back."

Cal looked at his lightsaber. He held it just a bit tighter.

"When I hold this, sometimes I imagine myself to be that small boy again and he's holding my hand, telling me that it's okay for me to be afraid... That I'll learn how to be brave and make others feel the way I do when he's around."

Settling the lightsaber in his lap, Cal rubbed at his eyes again. He felt itchy and raw, skin irritated by his pawing. He sniffled softly before running his fingertip over the grip of the saber.

"The part I really wanted to show you is this... I changed out my grip with Master Cordova's... It feels.. Comforting when I hold it. Having two masters who want to see me succeed.. Who are proud of me and my growth." Cal rolled the saber against his legs, feeling the grooves and ridges in Cordova's grip. It felt right when he held it. BD-1 turned on his scanner, analyzing the lightsaber. He beeped inquisitively.

"I thought you'd appreciate it... I just like having them around, you know? If I could keep a piece of Prauf with me, I would do that, too.."

"Bebeep? Boo..."

"Prauf was a great guy. Big ol' Abednedo. He had been working at the scrapyard for years. Maybe... When he had been my age. I showed up on Bracca when I was about thirteen. He took to me immediately and just helped me out at first. Then we became really close friends. He was like... A funny old uncle, kinda."

"Beep?"

"Listen he was just older than me, okay."

Cal laughed softly and BD-1 tried to echo it with his own chirps.

"We trusted each other a lot... And then.. I helped him. I used the Force to keep him from dying but... I guess someone saw or.. It rippled somehow. But I know, deep down, he didn't report me. He didn't tell anyone. And then when the inquisitors came... He tried to protect me. He... He died. Second Sister put her lightsaber through him. He.. He saw me leap to attack her before he died. I think he knew... He knew I was going to be brave again. After being afraid for so long and trying to keep my head down, I had to be brave."

Cal leaned his head back against the wroshyr tree. Closing his eyes, he breathed slowly.

"Master Yoda always said our spirits are returned to the Living Force... That it always surrounds us. Binds us together… That we always have love and life close." Exhaling, he shuddered. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he tried to settle himself.

"I feel them all.. All our friends. Our family. I feel them with us here and now. I feel them inside me, pushing me forward to do what's right."

BD-1 whirred quietly, carefully getting out of Cal's lap to sit next to him on the tree branch.

"This tree... It's almost as old as the universe itself... I feel so much of the Force in it." He set his palm against the mossy wood next to his leg. The tingle inside him was familiar.

"I can feel so many other people here with us. Wookiees, animals, partisans, even other Jedi... And just... The tree itself. It has its own life energy and feeling... It's like... The same feeling I had with Master Yoda: powerful, all knowing, but caring and full of wisdom and guidance. Like it just wants to encourage us all and see us grow."

He didn't feel any echoes in the tree. Or rather, he refused to pick them up. There were so many memories there, he wasn't sure he could handle tens of thousands of years of them at once. Even so, he felt... At peace.

His tears turned from mournful and sad to ones that were more joyful. Full of life. He let them run down as his cheeks as he remained still and quiet, feeling the Force ebbing and flowing around him.

* * *

"Close your eyes, Cal. Tell me what you see."

"Well it's... Dark, Master. I don't see anything."

"Reach out and tell me."

Cal stuck his arm out forward. He could hear his master chuckling.

"No, Cal. With your _feelings._ "

He felt Jaro's hand on his, settling it on the ground below.

"What do you feel here?"

"Moss."

"What else?"

Cal's brow furrowed.

"Wet?"

"Don't overthink it, my young Padawan. What do you feel with your _emotions_? What do you feel in the _Force?_ "

Cal wanted to pout. Feeling things was difficult. He took a deep breath, pressing his palm harder into the wet moss.

"I feel... A tingle in my hand. Like it's trying to tell me something, Master."

"Good... What else?"

"Energy... Like there's a power coupling buzzing nearby."

Jaro smiled at his student.

"What you are feeling is the Force. Try and reach out beyond us. What else can you find?"

Cal settled his hand back in his lap as he began to get meditative. He breathed slowly, settling into a trance.

"Life... Birds flapping their wings.. I feel the ripples of it through the air.. The energy it creates. It... Feeds into us."

Jaro nodded softly, looking over him. Cal's fingers twitched as he reached further with his mind.

"Beetles are fighting... They're fighting over food. One of them is going to die. I can feel it's struggle... The weakness in it. It's... Afraid."

Cal opened his eyes, feeling a little distressed. He swallowed before looking up at his master.

"I.. I'm sorry. I pulled away again."

Jaro didn't speak for a moment, his own eyes closed as he soaked in the situation. Cal sometimes wondered if Jaro could even hear his thoughts when he concentrated.

"You must learn to be brave, Padawan Kestis. Fear is a distraction, an _illusion_ , but a dangerous one. There will be many times in your life as a Jedi where you will have fear clinging to you. In those moments, you must decide quickly what needs to be done. Will you freeze? Let the moment take you? Let it blind and cloud your judgment and possibly lead to the death of yourself and others? Or will you shut it out? Push it away and do everything in your power to remain level headed?"

Jaro opened his eyes to look down at Cal. He always towered over him, even moreso when he had his meditations. Cal nodded.

"I.. I want to be brave, master. I want to be as brave as I can."

"And you will be, Cal. I promise."

* * *

Cal opened his eyes. He was still on the wroshyr tree, his rear numb from sitting on the hard wood for what felt like days. Rubbing his sleeve across his face, he exhaled.

"I think I'm ready to go on, Beedee-one. We've got a mission to finish."

Getting on to his feet, Cal clipped his lightsaber onto his belt as BD-1 raced up his back. Touching the side of the tree, his fingertips lingered before he started to move.

_"The Force will be with you, Cal. Trust in it. Always.”_


End file.
